I hate having days like today. Days where I just feel lost, uninspired, lethargic but not tired, and simply lazy in every way, physically and emotionally. I usually have moments where I feel one or some or even all of those emotions everyday, but they don't always affect me the way they do on days such as this one. I am in such a rut currently. Everything is so stagnant. I know the world never stands still and we are either falling ahead or falling behind, there is no middle, but I feel like personally I am standing still. I feel stuck. I know that it is my own fault. I have made my life this way. I dedicate no time to myself. I may have many days where I am alone, but I do nothing that is important to me or to treat myself besides my usual and unnecessary shopping trips. And those only make me feel guilty afterwards. I worry more about doing what other expect of me or what would make others happy in my personal life instead of just worrying about my own needs. How did I get here? I expected so much more for myself by now. I need to find ME again, but I'm just not sure where I left myself. One step at a time, I guess. I just know the one thing I am ready for is happiness.
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